


Words Once Spoken

by rather__odd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black is a good godfather, talks of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26499301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rather__odd/pseuds/rather__odd
Summary: A closer look at Sirius's conversation with Harry in the Order of the Phoenix. What if these words had been said before?(Previously posted on fanfiction.net)
Relationships: Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Words Once Spoken

**_This is a rewrite of a fic by the same name at fanfiction.net_ **

**TW: talks of abuse (non graphic), injury**

Sirius could hear James enter the bedroom, hovering over the bed where Sirius was buried with his head under the covers. He knew he would have to come out eventually, but he was stubborn and wanted to put off the inevitable for as long as he could.

“Sirius… Pads, I know you’re awake.” A grunt was all James got in reply. “C’mon Pads, you have to eat something. Mum made chicken.”

Sirius prided himself in his determination, as he didn’t so much as twitch. But then, James’s voice became hard.

“Sirius, it’s been three days. You need to come out and talk to me. If you don’t come out I’m going to write to Moony.”

Sirius tore the blankets from his head. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, I would.” James sat on the edge of the bed. “Pads, it’s alright now. You’re home, okay? You can relax, talk to me. What happened?”

Sirius sat up fully now, running a hand over his face and wincing at the tenderness in his cheek. He knew he looked a wreck: His hair was greasy and knotted, his eyes were shadowed and heavy, and his cheek was likely a brilliant purple by now. 

James looked at him expectantly, and Sirius knew there was no getting out of it now. He had shown up on the Potter’s doorstep three days ago in the pouring rain, soaked and bruised and defeated. James and Euphemia had not questioned him, just patched him up and sent him to bed. He hasn’t moved except to use the bathroom when he was sure no one would catch him. Now, he was going to have to explain himself.

He considered brushing James off, taking a shower and ignoring the whole ordeal. But he knew he needed to tell James. Not only because of the stubborn look in James’s eyes, but also because James, his _brother_ , deserved to know the truth.

“I… I’m just like them.” James’s brow furrowed, but he thankfully didn’t interrupt. “They… they wanted me to join. The Death Eaters, I mean. I told them to go fuck themselves. Then they said… they said Reg already joined. He’s getting the mark.”

Sirius’s eyes were shining, but he kept going.

“We fought. I told them to leave Regulus alone, and to not force him into their war. They said… they said that they didn’t force him at all. That he _volunteered_ . He didn’t even deny it. Then they said… I won’t repeat what they said. But they said things about you, and Lily, and Remus. The things they said… I lost it. I started screaming, and I went after everything they have, everything they _are._ My father… he hit first, but I hit _harder_.” Sirius chuckles darkly. “I was winning too, until Mother started throwing curses. I couldn’t… I couldn’t stay there any longer. I grabbed my things and ran. I… I didn’t know where else to go.”

Sirius didn’t even realize he was crying until James moved closer and handed him a tissue from the bedside table.

“I'm glad you came, Pads. You did the right thing getting out of there.”

_The right thing_. Sirius felt frantic to make James understand just how wrong he was.

“No- _no._ James, I… the things I said. And, and I left Reg there. I, James, what if I’m like them now? What if… What if, after living there for so long, I’ve… gone bad? What if…” _What if I truly am a Black?_

Sirius was startled out of his spiraling thoughts by James’s hands on his shoulders, gently but firmly turning him until he was staring straight at James. 

“Sirius, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? _You’re not a bad person._ You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.” James took a hand off Sirius’s shoulder and placed it over his heart. “That’s who we really are.”

* * *

And here he was, nineteen years later, looking at the spitting image of his best friend, just as torn up as he was then.

“And what if… after everything that I’ve been through, something’s gone wrong, inside me… What if I’m becoming bad?” 

_What if I’ve gone bad?_

And even though he looks just like James, he acts just like Sirius. Harry stared up at him, watching him like the fate of the world rested on Sirius’s words. What Harry needed right now was his father.

So that’s exactly what Sirius gave him.

He put his hands on Harry’s shoulders, squeezing lightly, and leaned down until they were face to face.

“Harry, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay?” 

Sirius remembered this conversation as if it was yesterday; had clung onto these words for nearly two decades.

“You’re not a bad person.”

He had replayed it, everyday in Azkaban when the voices became too loud, telling him that James would hate him now.

“You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to.”

It was one of the few good memories he was able to keep while in the presence of the dementors.

“Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters.”

He feels a pang in his chest as he remembers his baby brother fall too far with the wrong crowd.

“We’ve both got light and dark inside us.”

He survived because of these words, held onto them like an anchor.

“What matters is the part we chose to act on.”

Sirius took a hand off Harry’s shoulder and placed it over his heart.

“That’s who we really are.”

Harry looked up at him again, face shining with fresh tears. Sirius pulled him close, wrapped him up in his arms, and tightened his grip as he felt Harry cling to him. 

_Whatever it takes_ , Sirius thought to himself, _I will protect him._

* * *

Sirius looked back at James, at his serious gaze, at the unmovable belief in his words, and flung himself at him. He clung to James, felt him tighten his grip, and allowed himself to break. He thanked Merlin and Morgana and whatever deities were out there for his friend, his _brother_ , as he sobbed into his shirt.

_ Whatever it takes,  _ James thought to himself,  _ I will protect him. _


End file.
